Limericks

Originally published on March 26, 2011 11:33 am
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PETER SAGAL, Host:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924, or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago or our upcoming show in Charleston, South Carolina. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

ANN MAGGIO: Hi, this is Ann Maggio and I'm calling from Hampden, Massachusetts.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Hampden?

MAGGIO: Oh very good, thanks.

SAGAL: What do you do there?

MAGGIO: I work as an elementary school nurse in Springfield.

SAGAL: In Springfield. Okay, we know Springfield. Then, are the kids as complaining as they used to be when I was one of them?

MAGGIO: Probably more so.

SAGAL: Really? Do they come in and complain about, like, modern ailments? Like, you know, I'm feeling upset about global warming, they say, I need to go home?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

MAGGIO: Not quite that elaborate.

SAGAL: Ann, welcome to the show. Carl Kasell is going to read you three news- related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks you will be a winner. Ready to go?

MAGGIO: I am.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

CARL KASELL, Host:

Nuralagus Rex sounds kind of funny and it strikes fear in none, I'll bet money. It's a great cottontail on the dinosaur trail. We've found fossils of some giant?

MAGGIO: Bunny.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CHARLIE PIERCE: Aww.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

KYRIE O: Oh, that is sweet.

SAGAL: A giant bunny. Just in time for Easter, researchers on the island of Minorca, off the coast of Spain, have discovered the fossil of a giant rabbit. It was six times the size of a regular rabbit and twelve times as onery.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The rabbit, Nuralagus Rex, is said to have lived three to five million years ago, and could not hop because when you're that big, you just get the other rabbits to bring the carrots to you.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

PJ O: I'm just glad the whole breeding thing didn't work out until after they got smaller.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I want the carrot.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That was my Nuralagus Rex impersonation.

CONNOR: Well how big were carrots back then?

SAGAL: Oh they were huge.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The basket was the size of a minivan that thing would carry.

CONNOR: I bet Easter was awesome.

SAGAL: Oh yeah.

PIERCE: They also found fossilized marshmallow peeps that you could still eat.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

CONNOR: And they were this big.

ROURKE: Peep Rex.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KASELL: With my groom to the altar I'm heading. I shop Costco where fashion is spreading. I will check out express 'cause it's only one dress. It's not bulk when I shop for my?

MAGGIO: Wedding.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: If only Elizabeth Taylor had lived to see this: wedding dresses sold in bulk at Costco.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Starting this month, brides-to-be can head to Costco to pick up a designer wedding dress along with the giant cheese wheels and bulk packages of toilet paper. The store debuted its line of wedding dresses in LA. Hoards of overexcited brides flocked to the store to check out the $700 designer gowns, available in a ranged of fabrics and cuts and located right next to the jumbo packs of husbands.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Shrink-wrapped. All righty then, here is your final limerick.

KASELL: Our children all gorge on sweet gummies and they have grown super sized tummies. Concern's been expressed for our new car crash tests because we nee to plus size our?

MAGGIO: Dummies.

SAGAL: Right, dummies.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

CONNOR: Oh man.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Researchers at the University of Buffalo say it's time for obese crash dummies, to better represent...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Our growing population for grown people.

ROURKE: And a great band name.

SAGAL: Yes, the Obese Crash Test Dummies.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We've gotten fatter while they've stayed the same size. It shouldn't be too hard. Crash test dummies are already like Americans. We can't convince dummies to walk more even though they know every time they get in the car it's going to crash.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Ann do on our quiz?

KASELL: Ann aced it, Peter. She had three correct answers. So Ann, you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done, congratulations.

MAGGIO: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.