The flailing about, the protests, the sheer agony — what if everyone behaved like international soccer stars who can evidently be slammed to the ground by a fingertip?
That's the question answered by a fun video from Fourgrounds Film of Canada. It's a sendup of the histrionics seen in World Cup matches, where many players ham it up to play to the referees' sympathies or just to earn a ride on a plastic stretcher with restorative effects that can only be called magical.
Called Everyday Football Fouls, the video depicts people gently bumping into one another in normal settings such as cafes and groceries — but with calamitous results. One infraction even earns a red card.
The video reminds us of a recent feature by The Wall Street Journal, which measured the time players spent writhing on the ground during the 2014 World Cup's first 32 games.
As the Journal noted in that story, "Of the nine players carried off in these matches, five returned — all in less than 90 seconds, including American DaMarcus Beasley."